Bad Days and Deja' Vu

“Better visit hell in your lifetime than after you’re dead.” -- Yiddish Proverb

* I didn't particularly try to have a bad day and this week has actually been one of the best weeks of the school year so far so I have nothing new to write about, but I have quite a few bad days from the past and one of these stories should suffice.

A bad day that really sticks out in my mind is the day that my dad left us. I was 17 and had just graduated high school, oh and another bombshell, I was pregnant. I had been depressed for weeks because being pregnant so young is not really a fun experience to go through and had added a lot of extra pressure on my family. My dad had been distant for a couple years now. Only coming home to watch TV and go to bed and then off to work for another 12 to 13 hours the next day. This particular day he had pissed off my mom royally and they were arguing downstairs while I grew fat sitting on the couch.
They had been down there awhile when my dad came upstairs to say goodbye. He had tears in his eyes and all he said was "I can't be here anymore. It's killing me." I only got misty-eyed and nodded with understanding, because this day had been a long time coming. He got down on his knees beside the couch and gave me a big hug...and then he walked out the door.
And instantly I fell apart... my dad was my rock, my superman, my hero, and then he just walked out, how could that be?! I ran to the bathroom and threw up, a mix of disbelief and morning sickness. As I sank to the linoleum I felt as though my world was caving in. There was no longer black and white; I was in the middle, in the muddle of my own self-destructing creation.

Not a very pleasant story but what bad days are? so on a lighter note, let's kill two birds with one stone and hit up the deja' vu experiences I've endured in the last two days. I've heard that smell is the greatest of the senses tied to memory so now that the leaves are changing (thanks to Persephone going back to the Underworld) the smell of fall is upon us. Last night I was walking to my car and the wind thrust a bunch of leaves into my face. And instantly I was nine years old again raking leaves with my best friend and jumping into the biggest pile that we could make. It was the smell of something that I had done, something I vaguely remembered, something "already seen." It was the smell of complete, enthralling bliss, and it smelled wonderful!